Birthday

My birthday present (from me to the people I sit near on the plane) is that I am going to wear clean clothes AND take a shower!

Those lucky ducks, they don't even know what they were missing...

People expect me to be clean.

Because I'm old.

The Sanatorium

Please check me into a sanatorium. I may have lost my mind and it's only day one of Finals Week.

Exhibit 1: My face is stuck like this. (see picture)

Exhibit 2: I laugh uncontrollably at things that are definitely NOT funny.

Exhibit 3: I'm not convinced I'm crazy, meaning, it's possible.

I hope the let me keep my Etcha-Sketch.

Even In My Dreams

I am COLD. So very cold.

I purposely go to sleep in my "PopPop" pants with additional pants underneath so I can attempt to stay warm. Let's just say it doesn't work.

My subconscious knows that I am slowly becoming a human popsicle. For the past few weeks I have had dreams with blow-dryers blowing at full blast.

In my dream last night, there were anywhere from 4 to 9 blow-dryers blowing in the attempts to make my frozen body thaw out. Unfortunately, no thawing has occurred.

It doesn't help that my roommate likes the cold. She opens the windows to go to sleep. Did I mention that it was about 13 degrees (Fahrenheit) outside?? It doesn't help that the rotating fan likes my side the best, either.

I may freeze before I can come home.

If Only I Could Have a Puppy

I love that song, “The Puppy Song,” it’s just so cute.

I was talking on the phone with my mom a few days ago and realized, my five year plan now revolves around pets. I can control whether or not I have animals, I really can’t control anything else. Surprisingly, this isn’t making me freak out. If all else fails, I can spoon with my kitty. Hey-oh! All the fish I’ve gotten died. On the bright side I have some really cool vases…

Within two years I will get a cat. I will then start teaching. I’ll be the Art teacher with the cat. I’m okay with that. P.S. I finally applied and was accepted to the Art Education Department at BYU! I’m in and on my way to being an Art teacher!!!

I will teach for a few years, and within five years from now my kitty and I will adopt a dog, from the pound preferably. I love a good mutt. And then I will start graduate school because the school district that I work for will pay for me to go back to school. The joke is on them, because once I have my MFA, I’m looking for university teaching positions. YEAH I am. Yeah.

So basically, the addition of a new animal will mark my life’s milestones.

Now, just so it’s understood, I’m not trying to become a crazy lady with a ridiculous number of animals sleeping in my bed. No. Definitely not. Never. Never ever. I don’t plan on being anti-social or anything like that. I just love animals. Plus, if I’m going to come home to an apartment that smells like animals, I want to actually have animals. (Yes, it’s happening again.)

They Always Come Back

There are some people that are just like stomach cramps and diarrhea. They just keep coming back. And they are just not wanted, of course, they're so busy being obnoxious and their usual selves that they don't notice.

So here's to you my stomach cramp friend. Here's to you.

3 Good Things

I read a book a while ago called The Little Lady Agency. I really liked the book, and the series for that matter. It was an adorable story. Anyway, this girl had a lot of hard times, crazy family, constantly getting canned, messed up love life, a few constant friends that kept her grounded... it all sounded fairly familiar.
To the point: Even in her most horrible days, if the heroine of the story could think of at least 3 good things about the day, it made life a little better.
So. Here are 3 good things about today.
1. The air smells amazingly clean.
2. I woke up with a tan.
3. I don't have to go to work!

All in all, an exceptional day.

Home!

I'm home. I have been since late Tuesday night... Ha! Wooh PA!

I am having fun. 

Fun Fun Funny Fun Fun!

Today I am going to Columbus to visit my brother and sister in law and my nieces! Even more fun!

Then, I am going to find a job. Not as fun. But, when I get one, I will be able to pay for my fun! Hey-ya!

It's raining, my tan is not getting darker, but it is green, and the air smells amazing. I love city rain! 

And Then...

Yup. And then after I'm home, I will get my hiney over to Columbus.

Hazzah!

The Count Down

In approximately 8 days and after 3 more finals, I will be home.

I'm leaving on a jet plane.

Happy.

I Like You So Very Much

I love music. Especially music that is happy. And good. If it's good, I probably like it.
Anyway, I found a very happy, sunshine-filled song. It's called Sleepy Tigers by Her Space Holiday.

Spinster-Hood

Here it goes. I have been thinking a lot about life and what I can do in the world that would be of some good, you know, the kind of thing that improves the quality of life for others. I want to make a difference. Seriously, I have given this a lot of thought. And I know that if I stuck with shoe design I could be happy, but let's face it, as wonderful as beautiful shoes are, they don't make a difference in the long run. (Just so you are aware, that is a painful thing for me to admit.)

Anyway, I was talking with my mom the other night and I'm not entirely how we got onto the topic, but I started ranting about how I felt like so many women did not understand that they could do so much with their lives, and that even in today's society, women are still under appreciated. She told me to get down off of my soap-box because she didn't need to be convinced. But it made me realize that this was something that I was passionate about. My mom suggested that I look into Women's Studies. Now. This is something that my mother would never bring up without some provocation or prompting. I talked to her today, and she has no idea why she said it, or how she came up with the idea. Anyway, BYU has a Women's Studies minor, and I have been looking at everything that I can get my little hands on. And I am hooked. Completely hooked. I talked to an advisor in the Women's Studies department and it just made me wish that I had done this all along.

Anyone that knows me knows that I don't generally have good feelings toward school and learning. But, now, I have found something that I am genuinely excited about. I just want to dive right in and soak it all up! All day today I was just bubbling over with excitement, it was hard to think about anything else!

So here is the plan for my bachelors degree: BFA in Studio Art, and a minor in Women's Studies.
Tentative plan for my masters: MFA in Studio Art, and either an emphasis in Women's Studies or a second masters degree. (This could possibly make my life miserable. But as long as I take classes that are relevant, I can always change my mind.)
And the grand possibility that is making my head spin like a top: a PhD in Women's Studies.

Ah! But ahhhh! Wouldn't it be so mind-blowingly amazing if I was a professor in both Art and Women's Studies! Hah! Yes! Yes it would! And that's what I'm going for. And I am really happy about this prospect. Really happy.

I am going to be an awesome professor. I can feel it in my bones.

I know that some may fear that I will end up being a spinster. But don't worry, if that's what happens, I will be a cool spinster. Never fear. I'll get a dog.

And contrary to whatever your beliefs about extreme feminist ideals, I don't hate men. I am quite a fan of them. I still want to get married and be a mother. In all honesty, I do. But, because of who I am, I think this could make me be able to do those things better.

P.S. I've been reading a bunch of stuff by Charlotte Perkins Gilman. She is a feminist writer, and it isn't what I had expected. She writes about things that are sensible. Her writings, from what I have read so far, are focused on how women should be respected as people. Pretty smart, huh. I really like her short stories The Yellow Wallpaper and If I Were a Man. I love the ending of If I Were a Man. I would definitely recommend reading these stories.

So, So, I Lied...

In my sincerest of voices, I apologize. To you. And you.

I have come to the realization that, as excruciatingly fun it would be, it is futile for me to stay in little Provo for spring and summer. I wanted to stay, but I just can't. Sad.

My baby heart is not that happy. But, I won't lie again, I am kind of happy.

I miss my family, minus Brian, because he lives 2 blocks away. (I like that.)

The east coast is FAR superior. If you go, you will understand.

There is no conceivable way that I would be able to pay to live here all summer, take classes, eat, and still be able to afford to be here in the Fall. I'd like to graduate. Not gonna lie.

It's always good to get away from wherever you happen to be stuck. Mostly because when you end up going back to where you were stuck, you don't feel so stuck anymore. And I feel a little bit stuck right now.

But, in a desperate attempt to stay in contact with people that suck at keeping in touch with their nearest and dearest as I do, I am going to reactivate my Facebook. But ONLY for the summer. Got it? Good.

Plus, I have a phone, and I definitely know how to use it. Hopefully, my friends, so do y'all.

Maybe I can convince my parents that it is alright if they move, and I can bring home a puppy for them to love while I am home, and then they won't miss me so much when I'm gone. Because, let's face it, puppies are pretty dang awesome. So are old dogs. Canines. They're great!
And so, I will be able to watch fireworks from the Pagoda on the 4th of July. And my daddy will let me drive. Hazzah!

So So Suck Your Toe All the Way to Pro-o-vo

So, I've been thinking about this a lot, and I have come to a decision. I am going to stay in Provo, UT, for Spring and Summer semesters. I am going to take classes and get a sweet sweet tan. Bring on the sunshine.
I will miss my family and my friends and my sweet little East Coast. But. This is what I'm going to do. I feel like it's time to finally catch up with my academic career before I am a real grown-up and life bites me in the face.
I think that would hurt...

All I need now is a place to live, and a job.

Just What I Needed

Late last night someone left flowers for me outside of my door. I don't know who it was. But it was just what I needed. Pretty much, this has been a pretty miserable weekend. I guess that happens. But saying that doesn't make it feel any better.
Anyway. There was a note with the flowers.
It said:

Ruthie, I saw these flowers and they reminded me of you! You are amazing! HAVE AN AMAZING WEEKEND!
<3/ someone who thinks you are awesome!

To whomever left me those flowers, thank you. I think you're pretty amazing, too.

And thank you to all of my other friends and family members that still like me, even when I am no fun.

Happy Dance

Bahahahah! My life! So good! Can I just say, even though I can't spell or add for the life of me, I am so excited for my life!

The most current reasons for doing a happy dance:
1. I studied outside. In the sun. And it was sunny.
2. I am wearing red pants. For real.
3. Bishop Allen is coming to PROVO!!!!! Ba-Hah! (It is a band, just in case you didn't know)
4. I am totally going to see Bishop Allen in Provo!!!!
5. I will listen to a band that I actually like! Live!!!

Ba-Hah!

,

Adventures With the Cranky Babies

And how.

I am a jumpy person. Last night I was in the library studying with Tyler, and I was listening to my iPod. I had the volume turned up pretty loud, because, there is so much noise in the library. Right. Anyway, one song was pretty quiet, and then the next was comparably really very loud. It started out so loud that I screamed. I thought someone was attacking me. This could have been partly due to the fact that I was almost asleep and thinking in German. But after I screamed, I was pretty awake. Luckily, we were in a back corner of the library and there were only two other girls around us. But I am pretty sure I scared everyone. Wooh...

So, I think that the library induces sleepiness. And weirdness. Especially late at night.

"Ooooooohhh, that feels niiice!"

In Love

I am in love. With a sound. Tyler showed this band to me. It's a guy and his girlfriend. She sings. And her voice is... something else. If you like them, you get 10 bonus points on my "You're Awesome" scale. I won't take points away, though, if you don't like the sound.
The band is Pomplamoose. The song is Hail Mary.

Paul Levy

I read this article tonight. I am very impressed. Paul Levy is the CEO at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center. He has proposed a plan that will allow all employees at the Med Center to keep their jobs. Amazing. His proposal received a huge amount of support. He has asked for suggestions from employees on how to make it completely possible. That is a smart move, because if people are involved in the planning process, they are more likely to go along with the plan. From what I read, it sounds like all of the people at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center are incredible.
Read the full article here.

Would It Hurt?

Here is a link to a very funny website called WouldItHurt.com
If you like dark humour, this is for you!
I especially like this post.

http://wouldithurt.com/page/2

Pretty Pretty

So, I think that this is a pretty song that just needs to be spread around. It's called "The First Day of My Life" by Bright Eyes.

I hope you like it.

Technology Techschmology

For the second time in 6 months, my hard drive is corrupted. Ah poo. How rude. Technology has never been my friend. I don't understand! It likes everyone else in my family. I suppose it's because... I don't know why it would be because. I have no because for this. None.
As far as I know there aren't any viruses on my laptop, but maybe I'm just lucky and they all went to my poor unprotected external schmexternal hard drive. Lucky me.

Actually that is pretty lucky. At least I don't have to cry over everything that I have ever had electronically being lost for forever and a half never to be recovered unless repurchased. Hallelujah.

I've tried to be friends with Technology. Maybe one day I won't be so brutally rejected and I will have a sunshiny friendship...

One can only hope. I do love a good sundress.

Sunshine and Tan-Lines!

I officially have a tan line. And it's only the first week of March! Hallelujah-to-ya! I took a nap outside earlier in the week and my arms certainly benefited from the sun.

But on the poopoo side, it's supposed to snow sometime this week. How can it go to 60-something to SNOW? Who knows. I don't really care yet, I'm enjoying the discovery of my tan lines!

Staying on the sunny side of life... life is good right now. I'm not feeling terribly stressed. I am not entirely sure why things feel so good, but I'm really enjoying the feeling. And I'm really hoping that it lasts.

Also, I'm pretty sure that I am coming back to BYU in the Fall, instead of trying to work to go gallivanting across the world to go to school in Italy next year. That will just have to wait until after I graduate with my BFA. So I'll go for the master's program and save about.... $60,000. Sounds good to me. Especially since I don't have anywhere near that much money. Plus, I don't hate Provo nearly as much right now.

All I need now is a dog.

Side note: I was talking to some folks in my German class today and I commented that I couldn't spell in English anymore. Then one of the girls said something like she agreed and it went on and she told us that she thought that we should just get rid of the letter "c" in English. We don't need it. I, for some reason, felt very attached to the letter "c" and felt the need to defend its place in our 26 letter alphabet. So I said something like, "Well, what about kitty?" They all just looked at me funny and then one girl said, "Valiant effort." Valiant effort indeed. Go me.

Happy

I got to play with a dog today! Okay, it was in a cage, but I got to pet it.

Twice.

Happy.

Ear Buds

I just need to complain. I have the absolute WORST luck with ear buds, earphones, technology in general. But ear buds especially have not been good to me. I suppose it could be that I am not good to them, but, for the sake of my complaining, I am going to say that I am 100% not in the wrong. That's how I like to look at things. I know it isn't true. But it is kind of nice to think sometimes.

Anyway.

Ear buds.

I have gone through five or six pairs in the last one to two years. Personally, I think that is a lot of pairs since most people I know get one pair, and it lasts them for forever and a half. Meanwhile, here I am, Destructo-Girl, on my umpteenth pair of ear-buddies. I have been shocked by 3 pairs, in my ears, on multiple occasions, all of which I was completely dry. Being shocked in the ear is not fun. You'd think it would be a party in your ear, but you would be thinking wrong. Wrong wrong wrong.
The coating stuff almost always comes off and then wires are exposed. That just makes me nervous because then I have more of a chance of getting shocked. I have enough electricity in my body, I don't need more right now. Thanks.
Sometimes my ear buds just plain fall apart. Mind you, in an effort to NOT have to buy more and more ear buds, I buy the kind that are suppppppposed to last a long time. Bah. It's futile.
Quite frequently one ear just stops working. Most often it's the left ear, sadly. I like to listen to music in my left ear so then I can hear what's going on around me in my right ear, that or talk on the phone. The music in my head is like a buffer for awkward phone moments that seem to follow me like the plague. Tangent.
I suppose that ear buds aren't really meant to be slept in. It's just that it makes me drift off to sleep so nicely and I have some pretty crazy dreams. But. I guess I'll just have to listen to that insanely loud ticking coming from the clock in my bedroom. That and I'll have to suck it up and buy another set of ear buds because my current ones have decided to work a fraction of the time, and that is only if I hold really still. I am not a statue. I wiggle. I will have to try not to sleep in the next set.

Eyebrows

I took a break from homework today and hid in my room, actually to do other homework, but whatever. Anyway, my roommate was asleep and the lights were off. I got distracted and started taking pictures of myself... And I'm okay with that. Also, I've decided that my eyebrows are very photogenic.

Here is a taste of my late afternoon experience. It probably would have been good had I done my homework instead, but this was much more fun. As usual.

That being said, I found a page full of EYEBROW templates! Who knew that would be out there?

Mismatched.

I always thought, or maybe never gave it a thought, that there would be a day that I would be able to really successfully dress myself. Apparently I haven't reached that age just yet. For the past... 3ish years I have worn socks as little as possible. I'm not sure why I suddenly didn't like wearing socks. It might have something to do with the shoes I wear. Probably. Anyway, the past few months I have worn socks off and on, mostly because it's cold, and blah blah. But, my socks rarely ever match. And not in a cute, aww, how mismatched, way. It's more like, can't you see that those two socks are just completely incompatible. Yes, they both go on your feet, but one is a little footie type thing and the other one, well, it's a knee sock. How embarrassing. But. My "sock and things" drawer never seems to have a real PAIR of socks in it. Ever. Okay, maybe twice in a while (that's a little more that once in a while). Maybe the trick is to fold my socks together before I put them in the drawer... Hmm, schmeh schmeh meh.

Praise the Mustache

I have a deep dark secret. Alright, it isn't really a secret. I have a thing for mustaches. I think that they exude manliness (please don't judge me for saying this). I just like the way those fuzzy buddies look on guys' faces. I just want to reach out and touch them. I don't really know why, I just do. Sometimes that strip of fur across the upper lip just adds... distinction. Maybe. I think so. I like it. It could be due to the fact that I go to BYU and that is the only facial hair action going on around here. Who knows. I don't really care. All I know is that I like mustaches. They make my heart feel all warm and fuzzy.

Side Note: The women's bathroom on the 5th floor of the campus library is creepy. And puke shades of yellow. It made me a little bit afraid for my life.

Math

The entirety of my problems with regards to mathematics has now become clear to me. I cannot successfully add, subtract, or multiply. Apparently I am okay when it comes to division.

But, after coming to this realization tonight, I feel that I must have completely stumbled my way through 2nd grade and the rest of my elementary, middle school, and high school math courses. Apparently I was luckier than I had realized. I refused to take math my senior year of high school. I am now extremely happy that I followed my gut, otherwise, I may not have made it into college, where I am having such a wonderful experience. With the gargantuan exception of anything involving mathematics.

Along with my descent into mathematical ineptitude, my spelling skills have begun to curdle, and not in the good way like I had intended said skills to mature and grow and flourish. Instead. I am taking German, and now I can't spell in English. Ah. Such is life.

I now feel like I should be back in Mrs. Becker's 2nd grade class, learning about electricity, how to multiply, and reading Catwings and The Trumpet of the Swan.

I had the cutest blue flowered stretchy pants then. A+.

It's raining!

I love rain. Rain is happy. It's wet. It smells good. It makes everything, except animals, smell good.

I've missed the rain. I'm glad it is raining. I missed the puddles. I like walking through them.

How could anything so pretty make a person anything but happy? (Okay, floods are bad. But a little rain is wonderful.)


Rain makes me forget the hard things in my life. And that makes it easier to remember the good things. It just seems so harmless. It's like some big wet blanket that clouds out everything that I don't want to think about. It's pretty great. And so, I'm going to enjoy it.

The Turning Point

The first two weeks back in Utah were, well, not anything that I would like to repeat. Ever. But! I have a good feeling about the rest of the semester.

Hopefully I will not get sick anymore.
Hopefully I will not have anymore crazy trips to the emergency room. (Please, don't ask.)
Hopefully my hearing will come all of the way back. (It almost is.)
Hopefully I will make it to all of my classes.


I feel a change in the weather (not literally, it's cold, very cold). It's like my Mary Poppins is coming and life is going to be "practically perfect." Even though I don't really know where in the world I will be after April. Of course I have an idea, and a tentative plan. But as my mother continues to remind me, sometimes plans change. For whatever reason. I guess I'm alright with that?

Anyway. I am determined to have fun. And I am confident that I will have fun. I already am having fun. Determination is great! And Happiness is, after all, the American way.

I'm Back...

I'm back in Provo. And I'm not gonna lie, I was not excited to be back. And I am still not excited to be back. I am, however, excited to leave after April! Sweet Freedom, come to me!

I made a New Year's resolution. I am going to try to be nice. Honestly I am. I'm trying not to make little snide remarks about other people, or gossip, or blah blah blah. Either way, I'm trying to be nicer. But really, it wasn't just because it was a new year, I just feel like it would be a good thing to do. And let me tell you, it's definitely easier to say that I'm going to be nice than actually BE nice.

It seems like as soon as I started trying harder to have good feelings toward others, I just have worse feelings towards some of them. Like, today, for instance, I walked into a room, and it felt like all of the good that was inside of me, left. And I was just standing there, quivering with anger, or loathing, that's probably too strong of a word... But, you get the gist, right? In some cases though, it has become easier to be nicer. I was very surprised. Very. Very, very, surprised.

I knew that this was going to be hard for me because I have tried to do it before. And, obviously it was hard, because, here I am again. A little meany out trying to be a goody. Bah. Cross your fingers for me, eh.

I have devised a plan to keep my sanity. I will be studying at the Provo library from now on. Okay, not Mondays or Tuesdays, but the rest of the week is all about the library. From 5 pm to 9 pm, I'm there.

I am really glad that I got to see my family over Christmas. They brought me back from my world of bad smells and imminent and impending doom. I wish I could have all of them here with me. I don't know what I would do without my family. They're all pretty awesome. Personally, I think that they're the bees-knees. Yeah.