The Ultimate Goal - To Have a Dog

Wenn ich in Kalifornien lebe, kann ich einen Hund haben.

Translation - When I live in California, I can have a dog.

Last year I went to California with my brother for Thanksgiving. I loved it. I wrote down in my red journal a goal of mine. I wrote it in quite large handwriting, I think. Maybe I can find it. Wrong journal.

Anyway. The goal was that I would one day live in California, no more than 5 minutes walking distance from the beach, have a dog, and that I would eat at Normita's and have a Killer Fish Taco every Black Friday

I am still clinging to that goal for dear life. And now, I might have an opportunity to make it happen sooner rather than later. Cross your fingers for me so I can be smart and make the right decisions, because, I have certainly made enough wrong ones lately. I need to have a streak of the "smarts" and soon.

So, I will spill my beans.

For a while now I have been considering what I'm doing with my life, how in the world I'm going to accomplish the goals that I have set for myself, and where I would like to see myself in a few years. And so, the thing that always comes to my mind, transferring far away from BYU, came to mind. It always does. I really don't hate it here, I just sometimes feel like I would love it somewhere else. And, I realize that I could love it here, if I put more effort into loving it here. Anyway, I was talking to my mom, and she gave me sage advice, as usual. She told me that I shouldn't transfer just to have an escape, but if I was going to transfer I would have to have a real reason and a plan. I'm not sure if that's exactly what she said, but she definitely said not to transfer to escape. Escaping is one of my favorite pass-times.

I had to end the conversation because I needed to go to class. Then, in class, German class of all places, we started talking about different universities and where we wanted to go, if we were going to go on for more school after we graduated, how much longer we had left, blah blah blah. Anyway, I had been thinking about a school in California that has an advanced studies program in none other than Footwear Design. It's basically a graduate program, something that I hadn't realized. Anyway, I told my class about this, meanwhile we could only speak in German, which is fun, but kind of tricky, I think I speak more slang than anything. But I'm trying. On with the story, one of my friends in the class told me that one of the FIDM campuses is 15 minutes away from her parents' home and that I could live there, I laughed because I didn't really think that I would have any chance of getting in to the program, but this girl is pretty cool, and I'm sure her family is cool, and it would be nice to live with members, I know I would be safe at least.

After my classes were over I went home and, because of part of my conversation with my mom, I had an extreme urge to organize my bedroom. In the process, I unearthed my FIDM catalog that I had got in the mail sometime in early September. I just kind of put it on my shelf after browsing through it and deciding that it was too expensive and that looking at it would only make me more bitter. But, I looked at it again on Wednesday and I was just captivated. This school is seriously pretty cool. Anyway, after all of my cleaning and organizing, which I am not through with because I am a mess, I decided to watch a little tele. I watched Eli Stone, it happens to take place in San Francisco. Anyway, it's a beautiful place.

After the show was over, and I kid you not, approximately 1 minute passes by and an advisor from FIDM calls me. On her personal phone. At around 7 pm California time. Who does that? Really? No one does that. She asked if I was Ruthie, and of course I told her yes, duh, I am. She introduced herself and whatnot, then she apologized because she had JUST gotten my phone number, etc, telling her that I wanted more information about the school. Seriously, this is crazy, I requested information in September, or maybe it was August, and I got the catalog, someone had emailed me, but I just ignored it, but this woman calls me in the evening to ask me if I needed any help finding information about this school! Meanwhile, my mind was blown away, and running a million miles a second. I just kept telling her that it was perfectly fine and that I had just started thinking about FIDM again. I told her that I was already in school and that I didn't really have enough money to go anywhere else right now. She then proceeded to tell me that she could help me with the financial aid end of things and that there are lots of ways that she could show me that I could pay for school. I was happy. Basically. It turns out that there are also no portfolio requirements, just a project you complete for the major you are trying for. Hallelujah. I have no portfolio put together. Also, there are no transfer requirements. Holla! One tidbit of information that is vital to my master plan if I were to try to get into the Footwear Design program, which is my ultimate goal - to be a superbly wonderful shoe designer and everyone wants to give me free clothes in exchange for fantastic shoes...., (back to my sentence) I actually have to graduate from FIDM. Now. This shows me that they really take care of their own. I asked why they had that policy and my favorite advisor told me that they would already know that FIDM grads would have the training necessary to succeed in that program. Makes sense. Seriously, everything in my conversation with her seemed too good to be true.

BUT. I am not going to be making any rash and hasty decisions, nor am I planning on transferring before the end of Winter semester, no matter what I decide to do. Besides, I have no money. I can't move without money, also, I have no way of moving all of my junk, and I know that nearly all of my possessions are vital to my happiness, at least if I'm going to be that far away from every single one of my family members, I'm going to have my stuff with me. For sure.

I am going to think everything through in a manner that hopefully turns out to be mostly logical and not too too too excited. I am going to weigh all of my options and make the decision that will be best for me now, as well as in the long run. Of course, helpful advice is always welcome. And I mean that, I don't really want to be lost and running around somewhere by myself and not knowing how in the world I got there.

I suppose though, that running around lost in a place that looked like this, wouldn't be so bad.

Other than my extreme lack of money, and the fact that I haven't applied anywhere yet, there isn't anything holding me back from what I want to do.

A. My brother is leaving, he is graduating in April, and every time I am without family close by me in Utah, I tend to leave. Quickly.

B. I have no boy here. I don't have responsibilities or attachments to anyone but myself. I will still keep my friends.

C. Utah is cold. Very cold. Cold hurts when it lasts forever. And there is no beach.

D. I can't live anywhere and honestly have a fuzzy pet. I really want a pet, one that I can cuddle with. I have an extreme lack of cuddling. And Dot, as great as stuffed hippos go, and as loyal as she has been these past 16 years, I need something that cuddles back.

E. I know that there aren't as many members in California as there are in Provo, but, let's face it, I don't think that anywhere outside of Utah has as many members as Provo...

F. I want to have an adventure. I am almost 21. I want a fun adventure, and not one that I look back on and think, wow, I learned that the hard way. I'm tired of those. They aren't always very fun. I want some fun.

G. I like to be tan. I like to be warm. I like it when my hair blows in the wind and doesn't freeze my face when it touches my skin again. I like not having winter head hair. Everyone thinks I have brown hair in the winter. I am blonde. Honestly I am.

H. I like sand between my toes. It makes me feel free. I like to feel free. Right now, I don't feel that so much. I suppose I could change that. I will. I will feel free right now.

I am going to be happy, no matter what I decide, where I go, where I stay, who I know, who I'm with, or who I'm not with. I will be happy. And I am happy. And tonight, that is what matters.